Post by russianduck23 on Nov 22, 2006 11:57:52 GMT -5
(Scene III: Later Russianduck, The Assassin and AK and True Essence are at Russianducks)
TE: I think the leather balls were terrible. Did you know it took the skin of four cows to make one ball?
AK: So what. Cows don't live forever. Read my lips: Steak, hamburger, rump roast. They're gonna die anyway. Why let the skin go to waste?
(Russianduck bursts through the door; skids into the living room.)
Russianduck: Good news, The Assassin and AK. I got a new job. I'm leaving the ball manufacturer and going to work for the league.
TA: Great. What are you going to do?
RD: I'll be checking hemlines, shirttails and rubber bands.
TA: What?
RD: That's right. And we're gonna crack down on gum chewers.
TE: Sounds like a boarding school.
RD: No, we're trying to appeal to the red states.
TE: Oh, yeah. I read that article in the Daily News. They're fining players for untucking their shirts when they come out of games, chewing gum or moving during the national anthem. And they can't wear non-approved rubber bands on their wrists.
RD: That's right, True Essence. We're cracking down. Discipline. Red states. We go hand in hand. Anybody want to go to Dallas with me? I've got an assignment.
(Scene IV: American Airlines Center, Dallas vs. Memphis, Saturday night.)
RD: Dirk's shorts are too long.
AK: You want me to measure them?
TE: Good idea. Measuring shorts is a weird job for a male.
RD: I haven't spotted any illegal rubber bands. Shirts are tucked in OK.
TA: Are you watching the game? Or everything else?
RD (distracted): Can you believe that call! "Hey, Dick Bavetta, get in the game! That was a stupid call! Stupid! Can't you see! You're ruining this game!"
Dick Bavetta: (points at Russianduck): You. Yeah, you. (Makes a dramatic sweeping motion with his arm.) You're outta here!
(Russianduck refuses to leave, so four armed guards are summoned, and they physically remove him from the arena. Russianduck is taken away, arms and legs flailing.)
RD: You can't do this! I work for the league!
TE: Sad.
TA: Yeah, sad.
AK: Hey, you wanna go eat?
TE: Sure. I wonder what chicken fried steak tastes like.
TA: Probably better than table cloth.
